MBTI Stories

First of all, know that my minor in college was psychology. I totally nerd out when it comes to psych. How people think, why we are the way we are, what contributes to who we become–all these things are so intriguing to me.

One of my favorite personality identifiers is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). I’ve never studied it extensively, but my friend Nebula is obsessed with it. She always pins things on Pinterest about the various types, and I love it. Check out this site for a decently in depth or just a summary of the 16 types. Go here to see what type you are!

I am an INFJ: apparently we’re rare, but maybe that’s a good thing, haha.

 

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We’re awesome, but not everyone can be awesome…

Anyway, the reason I have shared all this random information with you (besides the fact that I’m a nerd) is because Nebula gave me a wonderful idea for a new series on here. Story-based posts where the main character has the traits of one of the 16 personality types.

Tell me Nebula’s mind isn’t golden.

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 Nebula’s brain

So this is the plan (for now):

  • Pick one of the types (tbh I’m gonna do INFJ first because hi)
  • Write a shortish story, a snippet of this character’s life, if you will once a week for 3-4 weeks.
  • Pick a different type.
  • Repeat step 2.

I’m doing this for two reasons. First, I think it will be a really fun challenge, but mostly I just want to understand the MBTI better! The knowledge will help me understand people better. And, honestly, isn’t life just better when you understand those you spend it with? I think so.

Can’t wait! I will tentatively say to look for the first MBTI post next week Friday!

‚̧ Severn

P.S. I’m not a fan of the lack of diversity in the featured image, but 16 Personalities avatars are kinda cute.

P.P.S. Feel free to join me! How cool would it be if this turns into a writing challenge of sorts? If you end up using this idea on your own blog, please ping back to this post! I would love to read them ūüôā

 

Update (A List!)

  • I still have not found a therapist, but I have also stopped looking. It didn’t feel as urgent as it used to, but the urgency has¬†slowly been creeping upward again.
  • I’m still learning some things at work, but for the most part it is BOR.ING.
  • I got a haircut, and I’m in love with it, even though it’s way shorter than I normally go.
  • My room is a mess, my socks don’t match, and I feel like I’m neglecting my mother (even though she says I’m not) because…
  • BEAU¬†AND I ARE DATING. I know I said I didn’t feel those relationship vibes with him, but turns out all we had to do was “turn it on” (his words not mine) and here we are! It’s only been a couple weeks, but it feels like we’ve been a couple forever because we were friends for so long before. Being with him is the most natural feeling in the world, and I’m happier than I have been in a¬†VERY long time.
  • I’m still trying to get the hang of the whole adulthood thing (does anyone ever really get it though?). I totally forgot about my first car payment, but luckily I remembered before I got charged a late fee.
  • Salsa classes are great, and it helps that Beau and I are the best ones there.
  • Bullet journaling is great! I’ll eventually share some of the spreads I’ve done and stuff on here, too.
  • Pursuing my architecture license has fallen from the top of my priority list, but I’m working on getting¬†it back up there.
  • I’ve resolved to stop making promises about posting on here more because life keeps taking me by surprise, and I don’t like to break promises. It makes me anxious.

Eventually you will hear more about:

  • My relationship with Beau (and what happened to Dapper)
  • My bible study (It’s amazing)
  • Adulthood
  • My bullet journal
  • My plans for the next year or so

Until next time, my lovelies!

‚̧ Severn

My (Possibly Existent) Love Life

The Boy: Dapper

The Girl: Me (duh!)

Dapper is the boy I got close to my last semester of college. He’s got two years left, and he’s all the way in Pittsburgh. We have a pretty strong emotional connection, and he was majorly there for me during my depression. I’m going to visit him at the end of the month. Neither of us wants it to be a big deal, but I hate Pittsburgh, and I’m willing to go back for him. That’s a big deal. Any “real” relationship would be hard, and to be honest, I miss him, but I only feel connected when I’m with him. Otherwise, it’s just us being friendly and flirty. That’s not what I’m looking for–I need love.

What’s to be expected:

Lot’s of talking, lot’s of¬†not talking (if you catch my drift), and an awkward conversation about where–if anywhere–this thing we’re doing is going (initiated by me).

The Boy: Beau

The Girl: Really?

Beau and I went to college together, he graduated two years before me, though he’s only a year older than me. He and I are working on becoming best friends.¬†It’s actually not a hard task at all. We always have fun when we hang out together, we never run out of things to talk about. We know a lot about each other, and things just flow naturally. Plus he’s super attractive (and I’m¬†obviously gorgeous, too). But I don’t exactly feel that… relationship vibe with him. Maybe it’s because we’re trying to be best friends? Maybe we’ve already known each other too long, and the friendzones have become permanent? I don’t know, but I do know that the only reason this idea is even in my head is because every time I mention him to someone (or they see us together), they ask if we’re dating. Is it something we’re putting out there? Sigh.

What’s to be expected: Absolutely nothing.

The Boy: Wolf

The Girl: The silly child (A.K.A. Me)

Wolf is this guy I used to work with. I had a ginormous crush on him, and he had a girlfriend. (For the record, I didn’t know that/don’t think they were dating when my crush first started.) My parenthetical comment does not excuse this next part: we totally hooked up. Once, we made out, and the second time we *attempted* to do a lot more. It didn’t really work out that way (thank you and I hate you, Alcy dearest). Anyway, I haven’t actually seen or spoken to him (since I asked about softball last month), but I still think about him¬†all the time. Why? I don’t know! I don’t even really know the guy, except for a few small things, and the fact that I got him to cheat on his girlfriend.

*brain flashes big ass lit sign that says STAY AWAY in front my eyes*

But alas, I fantasize about him often. I can’t explain it, but I will admit that I don’t actively shoo the thoughts away. I should probably work on that. Anywho, he shouldn’t even be on this list, but I can’t help it! So I let it out through here.

What’s to be expected: Less than nothing.

I feel only slightly better, but meh. I can at least go to sleep now.

Adulting || Work-Life Balance

What my life has consisted of:

  • Work
  • Going out with my friends
  • Talking to my mom
  • Netflix
  • Journaling
  • Trying to find a therapist
  • Bullet Journaling

What my life will slowly start to consistently consist of:

  • Work
  • The gym
  • Bible Study
  • Church
  • Salsa classes with my friend Beau
  • Netflix
  • Bullet Journaling
  • Journaling

At what point does the “adjustment period” end? Does it ever end? It still feels like I’m floating aimlessly between where I was and where I’m supposed to be. To be fair, I’m doing more of what I want to be doing, but there are some feelings I just can’t shake.

My relationship with an important person in my life is not where I would like it to be. My search for a therapist was promising, but my insurance isn’t accepted by the office I found, so I’m not really any closer to starting my sessions again.

I’m trying to keep it together, though. The more structure I have in my life, the easier it will be to distract myself from my feelings until I can get the help I need.

Blogging consistently again will be a part of that, I’m thinking of showing you all my (first) new bullet journal. It’s actually a lot of fun! Plus, there will be a post on my possibly existent love life yay (like next, probs).

Okie, toodles.

‚̧ Severn

I’m Important

I normally try to keep the specifics of my problems with people in my life vague when I write them on here. That’s pretty much impossible in this case. Well, maybe it’s not. Let me try harder.

An important person in my life is basically purposefully neglecting me on a day we should be spending together. To be fair, he said we would spend some time together soon after this day, but still.

Sidenote: I can think of two situations this scenario can apply to. Vague enough for me.

How his decision makes me feel:

  • unimportant
  • like an afterthought
  • second-rate
  • neglected
  • like I’m not “worthy” of his time or love

I was very close to crying when he told me.

I told my mom about it–showed her the message, and of course she got upset. As soon as that happened, I was able to calm down. My mother’s anger doesn’t make me happy, but¬†it’s so much easier to be strong for someone else than it is to be strong for myself.

That’s not ideal, but it’s where I am. I calmed her down by listing all the reasons this is actually a good thing. They felt like cheap attempts at neutrality, but they managed to convince her that I wasn’t as hurt as I was. And that made me feel better. Or more in control, at least.

I still haven’t done my therapist research yet, but once I find her I’m going to have a¬†lot to tell her. (My friend Janie is going to refer me to her old therapist who will then refer me to people she thinks will help me!) Hopefully she can help me work through it all. In the meantime, I’m going to try and not let his decision dictate my feelings about myself. There’s also a few things my last therapist, Bristle, taught/told me that I think I would do well to remember:

  • My expectations of¬†him others should be realistic¬†so I don’t get too hurt or surprised (when things like this happen). People are only capable of what they are capable of.
  • My feelings are important.¬†I shouldn’t feel guilty about any of the behavior I’ve exhibited that may have lead to his decision. I was doing what’s best for me, as he is probably also trying to do.
  • It’s okay to feel. Don’t run away from my feelings.

Also, I think if I were to tell her about this occurrence, she would ask me why I didn’t tell him how I felt. I know that I probably should have, but that seems so much more complicated. (This is why I need a therapist.)

Anywho. *Deep Breath*

Wish me luck with quest for a therapist!

-Severn

Adulting || A Place to Call Home

A couple days ago, I got a text from two of my cousins asking if I wanted to move in with them.

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I called them, they told me the details, and I agreed to think about it.

The Details:

  • four bedroom house with two full baths
  • my Godparents (their parents) own it
  • front and back yards
  • washer and dryer in basement
  • basement with kitchen and storage
  • porch
  • only $360/month + utilities
  • four other roommates
  • move in would be end of July or end of August

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I turned it down.

Yes, $360 is a steal if we’re talking about getting to live in a house. I would already know my landlords, and my cousins are pretty awesome. I was really excited when they first pitched it to me, but they asked me to think about it, so I didn’t say yes right away.

Here’s the thing: it’s a good deal and all, but¬†that’s not how I pictured adulthood.

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At first, that didn’t feel like a good enough, but it totally is! An important thing I’ve learned (through therapy and self-help books) is that I have the power to make decisions based on what I want out of my life. No, I don’t always know what I want, but this–my future apartment–is one of the few things I know exactly.

Excerpt from a journal entry I wrote TWO DAYS before my cousin’s contacted me:

“It should be in Lakeview, that’s where I want to live. Two bedrooms, and there must be a bay window somewhere. If no bay window, then one of those¬†small sun-den type places. I just want a place to read. I would prefer the third floor of a building, but second or fourth will also do. The kitchen should be its own space, not shared with a dining room. In fact, a dining room isn’t even necessary because the kitchen will be big enough for a table.

My room will have a large closet. Maybe not quite a walk-in closet, but close. The second room will be a library, and have lots of light. The bathroom doesn’t have to be big, but it should look clean, and no crazy tile colors. Unless they’re purple, or light green. Or maybe light orange, but that’s it! The tiles can have moderately crazy colors.”

All that detail, literally two days before.

No where do I see myself living with four other people.

At no point do I want to have to mow the lawn (until I own my own house).

Rent is not factored in to my budget for at least another 6-8 months.

This isn’t what I want.

But what’s¬†more? It’s¬†okay to say¬†no. It’s okay! Because if they are meant to get that house, they will find a fifth person, and they will get it. And if they don’t get it, that’s not my fault!

Yes, I miss the independence of living on my own, and my mom’s condo is not my ideal adulthood home. But it’s just not time for me to move out yet.

I’m taking adulthood at my own, Goldilocks pace. And that’s okay.

Adulting || Car Shopping

I bought a car! Well, more accurately I financed a car, and my mom gave me the down payment as my graduation gift.

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When my mom told me she was giving me a car for graduating college, I was super excited, but honestly I didnt really believe her. At that time, I didn’t have a job lined up, and therefore saw no need for a car. She had more faith in me than I did.

Then, I got a job in a suburb 20 miles from my house and BOOM. A car became necessary. My mom has driven a Toyota Corolla since I was 7, and I knew that’s what I wanted, too. That’s about all I knew, though.

Should I get new or used?

How much is a car?

How does financing work?

How soon do I have to get insurance?

What’s an average down payment?

Can I get a grad discount?

ALL OF THE QUESTIONS.

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So, I set aside a few hours and did a LOT of research. Roomie and my mom helped me out and gave me a couple starting points in terms of price and insurance stuff.

I knew I wanted a new 2016 Corolla, and I knew which dealership I wanted to go to. The first thing I did was look up the blue book value of my car, then I checked the dealership’s price. Lucky for me, the sticker price wasn’t THAT much more than the value. Plus (per Roomie’s suggestion) I checked Toyota’s website and saw they give rebates to recent graduates. *praise hands emoji*

The next thing I did was check two different financing services to see which would give me a better deal. A good deal has low to no interest rates, and doable (preferably low) monthly payments. The two places I checked were Capital One and Toyota Financial services.

My mom went through Capital One when she bought her car. Basically the way it works is you fill out their application, and if you’re pre-approved, they give you a check for a certain amount. You bring the check to an eligible dealer, buy your car, and make your monthly payments to Capital One. When I applied, I was denied. I assumed it was because I’ve only been at my job for a week, but they didn’t give me a reason.

That left me with Toyota Financial Services. (There are other places, but this was just the way I went.) This is the entity that creates those great deals you see in car commercials. “72 months for 0.9% APR!” The way these interest rates are determined has a lot to do with your credit. If you have a really high credit score, (my dealer said 750-800, but I’m sure it varies a bit) you automatically get 0% interest over 60 months or less. This means the price you agree to pay the day you buy your car is actually how much you’ll have paid when all is said and done 5 years later. Any interest rate above 0 means you are paying more at the end of your term. Thankfully, I have good credit, so 0% interest for me!

Next up was insurance. I’m not sure if this is true everywhere, but in Illinois, the law require that you have auto insurance before you drive your car off the lot. My mom told me to get a quote from Geico. It literally took 10 minutes, and if I had purchased right away, maybe 15. Those commercials are no joke.

Unfortunately, I didn’t purchase right away, but I was still able to do it quickly when I was at the dealership. Fun fact, even if you’re insured for a different car, your policy will cover the car you buy for up to three weeks (again, in Illinois), so you don’t have to get a new policy, or updates yours right away (but you should.) This is what I did. When I set up my insurance, it initially covered my mom’s car, because it’s registered to our home address, and that’s what popped up. It was an easy fix, though. I just called Geico the next day, removed her car, and added mine. (I could have also done this online, but I like to make sure everything is processed quickly and correctly.) My payment went up by like $30, but it wasn’t bad at all. The other option was to add another car and driver to my mom’s insurance, but we didn’t do that. No particular reason why.

Finally, after all of that, I had to go get my city sticker. Luckily, that was super easy. I just went to a currency exchange with my registration and bill of sale (and my driver’s license just in case), and asked for city sticker. The dealership takes care of the license plate and plate sticker when you get your car. And voila! My baby was ready to go!

A recap of some major steps and tips (a list!):

  • Do your research! What kind of car, cost, financing options, etc.? Also, factor in gas, maintenance, and anything costs you can think of. The responsibilities of a car do not end at the car note.
  • Make sure you have insurance!
  • Don’t say yes to everything the salesman offers you. I negotiated the price of an unnecessary, but awesome parts protection package from over $1000 to$300. (I didn’t talk about my actual experience in this department, but if you have questions feel free to ask!)
  • Make sure you have a city sticker and any other documentation necessary for your area.
  • It helps a lot if you have good credit.
  • Love your car!

Alright, that’s all for now, because I’m sleepy.

Goodnight my lovelies! I hope you’re all kicking ass at adulting. ūüėČ

‚̧ Severn

Adulting || My First Day

Today was my first day working for my first post-graduate job. After discussing with my mother, I have determined that my first day experience clocks in at a 9/10.

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Things I did today at work:

  • Went on a field visit and measured stuff
  • Worked on the plans for that project
  • Started some construction document sheets
  • Visited the town’s city hall to drop off permit corrections
  • Sketched some townhouse units for some guy in Texas
  • Rode in a car with my boss twice

Mistakes I made (oops!):

  • Misread a tape measure (out loud to my boss)
  • Forgot to dimension a drawing (that I sent to my boss)

Things I feel good about:

  • The people in my office are nice, if a bit quiet
  • My boss’ dog¬†loves me
  • My boss seems to like me
  • I get to sort of design a hair salon
  • I didn’t make any huge or embarrassing errors!

See? Overall a pretty great day. I did find myself missing my old firm. It was bigger, brighter, and in downtown, but really I think it’s the familiarity I miss the most. I’m trying hard to remind myself that this place has just as much, if not more, to offer me. There are only six people at my current firm, which means there are many opportunities to learn and gain experience I wouldn’t otherwise get. Change helps us grow. (It also helps knowing I won’t be here for more than, like, 3 years if I stick to my 5 year plan.)

I still feel a little weird. Probably some combination of nerves and fear, but I’m sure it will go away by the end of the week. I just need to establish a routine, some flow for my life. I know I sound a little mellow, but I’m excited!

And I’m glad I’m not dealing with depression on top of all this stuff.

I’m glad my life is going well.

Toodles!

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Book Review || You Are a Badass

In my new-found adulthood I have decided to continue reading self-help books. I want to be the best me I can be, and I am self-aware enough to know that I will need a little help along the way.

I just finished this book:

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And it’s awesome!

Jen Sincero is a success coach, and she has wonderful advice for anyone who wants to start living their life on purpose. Her writing is funny, informative, understandable, and generally pleasant to read. Her advice is good whether you’re trying to make more money, lose weight, start a new business, or figure out how to travel the world.

The book is broken up into five parts, starting with “How you got this way” and ending with “How to kick some ass.” I want to fill you in on¬†everything I’ve learned from this book, but literally each chapter is full of golden nuggets. Instead, I’m going to encourage you to buy it¬†and give you some of my most favorite lessons (a list!).

Your subconscious is a lot stronger than you think.

Most people live life listening to and being guided by their conscious minds. This is the part of you that makes decisions and processes information. The subconscious part, according to Sincero, believes everything, and is led by instincts and feelings. We store a lot more in our subconscious than we know, and those things we store can seriously effect us. For example, if your subconscious believes money is evil (maybe because as a child you saw¬†that money was the cause of all your family’s arguments), no matter how much you say you want it, you will self-sabotage so you don’t get it. Sincero teaches us,

“[W]hen our subconscious beliefs are out of alignment with the things and experiences we want in our conscious minds (and hearts), it creates confusing conflicts between what we’re trying to create and what we’re actually creating¬†[italics mine].”

It’s so easy once you figure out it isn’t hard¬†(Chapter 17).

This chapter reminded me a bit of¬†Wolf of Wall Street–that whole quote about the stories we tell ourselves stopping us from reaching our full potential. Sincero simplifies it to:

“What you choose to focus on becomes your reality¬†[italics mine].”

There are so many people harboring negative stories about themselves. These beliefs¬†are easily identifiable because they start with phrases like “I always/never…” “I suck at…” “I wish…” “I’m trying to…” (as opposed to actually doing). Once you figure out what your stories are, you have to identify what it is you think you’re gaining from them. Is saying you never have time for the gym allowing you to feel comfortable watching TV on your couch for three hours a day? Is saying you can’t make money letting you play the broke victim?¬†Get rid of your stories!¬†¬†Or better yet,¬†rewrite them.

Sincero’s list for accomplishing this:

  1. List off your old stories that you’ve gotten into the habit of thinking and saying.
  2. Journal about the false rewards you get from them.
  3. Feel into these false rewards, thank them for their help, and decide to let them go.
  4. Take each false reward and write a new, powerful story to replace it with.
  5. Repeat this new story, or affirmation, over and over and over until it becomes your truth.
  6. Behold your awesome new life.

“The people you surround yourself with are excellent mirrors for who you are and how much, or how little, you love yourself.”

This resonated with me¬†so much. I used to say the phrase “I hate people” every single day. Obviously it’s everyone else with the problem, right? *rolls eyes* Sincero points out that whenever we are bothered or annoyed with another person, it is because we see something of ourselves in them. For example, in church yesterday there was this woman behind me who was¬†super¬†into everything. She was praying loudly with the priest, singing at the top of her lungs, and generally grating on my nerves. I was trying not to be a jerk about it (because I was in church and I had just read this part of the book), so I took a step back.

“Start noticing the things that drive you nuts about other people, and, instead of complaining or judging or getting defensive about them, use them as a mirror¬†[italics mine].”

Ask yourself if you also do that annoying thing, or if it reminds you of something you try very hard not to do. Figure it out and shut it down; figure out how and who you need to be in order for this thing not to bother you. For me, I realized I was getting annoyed because I really want to strengthen my faith and my relationship with God, and her enthusiasm was just reminding me how weak I still am in that department. After that, I tried to appreciate her way of praising, and even hoped I could reach her level someday. BAM, feeling of annoyance gone, happier me.

I could go on and on about this book, but I really think you should just get it and read it for yourself. Especially if you are in a place in your life right now where your self-awareness might be lacking. In my opinion, self-aware people are some of the best.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

‚̧ Severn