Writing

I have a need to write. At any given moment, there are hundreds of words bouncing around my brain. Dozens of stories clamor to the front, begging to be told. So whenever I have a spare moment, or when my work gets too boring, I pull out a blank sheet of paper, pick a non-black pen, and write.

Sometimes what comes out weighs a ton. It’s as if I’ve been hoarding every emotion I’ve ever felt. The words tumble out of my pen, nothing strong enough to slow them down.

Sometimes what comes out is light and airy. The words flutter like butterflies, painting pictures as beautiful as their wings. The ideas seem simple at first, but upon closer examination, the intricacies reveal themselves. If you know me well and you read one of these, you’ll be able to understand what it is I’m really saying.

Occasionally I’ll write a poem, and other times it’s a straightforward life update. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. I’m just happy to be writing. I love that feeling I get when I craft a particularly good sentence. I live for turning my feelings into black and white pictures. I get a jolt of pleasure whenever I start a new journal. Writing is my favorite thing to do–I want to get better at it.

And so, for these reasons and countless more, I’ve decided I’m going to write a book. It might be a memoir (I just registered for a memoir writing class), maybe a collection of essays, or short stories. Whatever it turns out to be, I know I’ll love creating it. Writing is the only thing for which my love has never wavered.

I’m excited to fall even more in love with it. Wish me luck!

❤  Severn

P.S. This is a fitting 100th post, wouldn’t ya say? 😀

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I’m Baaaaack

HI! I’m alive and (mostly) well. I stopped regularly blogging because (especially after the breakup) I wanted to figure myself out in private for once. Now, I still haven’t exactly achieved that, but I’m doing a lot better than I was then!

And so here I am.

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What I’ve been doing:

  • working out
  • meal prep
  • studying for the ARE
  • volunteering
  • sort of dating
  • going out with my friends

What “trying to be back” really means:

  • More consistent posts. I’m shooting for once a week. Probably Wednesday or Thursday evenings, but we will see.
  • Great content. When I started this blog, I wrote this sappy post about drowning in depression and how I’m better now and gliding along on my chariot…  saved by the bell disgusted eww gag horrified GIFThat’s a beautiful sentiment, and I’m not taking it back, but I think my blog can use a little redirection. Because what does gliding along on my chariot even mean? The picture of calm waters under my control is not only unrealistic, but also untrue. I still have crappy days ALL the TIME. I get stuck in negative thought loops, I dread taking caring of my responsibilities, I use a LOT of energy every morning convincing myself not to call in to work. Calm waters is a (boring) fantasy, but the stuff I just listed (plus so much more) is LIFE.  wind steve woah blues clues GIFThis blog is called Severn Goddess, and from here on out it will focus on my journey to becoming just that–a goddess. What does that entail?

Becoming a Goddess. To me, being a goddess means:

  • Living the life I want to live – seeing people I want to see, doing things with my time that contribute to my happiness, fitness, and overall well-being
  • Giving to others – donating clothes, money, time; volunteering as often as I can
  • Loving God and trying my best to live a life that glorifies Him
  • Creating architecture, art, blog posts, and anything else that can bring meaning to others

I’ll be posting about allllll of these things on here. My categories won’t change much, but as I continue to create I may tweak along the way.

I’m really excited, guys! I’ve missed blogging, and I think getting back to it will be good for me. See y’all next week!

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Neo-Goddess

The other day my friend Nebula asked me what I want this blog to be, and I didn’t have an answer for her.

When I started it, it was because I needed a fresh start. I wanted it to be more positive, informative, and generally more useful than my last (super depressing) blog. It’s still largely personal–journal-based, if you will, but that’s not what I want. Clearly that’s not what I want because if that was working for me, I would write a lot more often.

There are a few different topics I would like to write about, but don’t because I’m afraid they won’t “go” with my theme. But if my theme is really just becoming a goddess, I should be able to do whatever I want. Goddesses have that power.

So I’ve decided to re-create Severn Goddess. I already have categories for sorting my posts, but I want to organize them a bit differently based on the things I want to write about.

These will include:

  • Mental/Spirital Health
  • Physical Health
  • Lifestyle
  • Adulthood/Adulting || career, work-life balance, and relationships)
  • Fiction and Non-Fiction writing  || Nebula mentioned she missed reading the “excerpts from the book I will write one day” from my old blog. I miss them, too.

So I guess the succinct answer is that I want my blog to be a reflection of my ideal life, while still staying true to the person I am now–a goddess in training (teehee “git”).

This idea has me really excited, guys! I can’t wait to share all these things with you!

Wish me luck 😀

❤ Severn

September Goals

Hello my lovely readers! Sometimes I strive for things. Here are some of those things for this month. *pleased with self emoji*

Career

  • gain ARE eligibility
    • ARE= Architectural Registration Exam, and I need to become licensed
  • stick to study schedule for ARE tests
    • 5 am wake ups! I’m studying for about 13-15 hours a week, and I do mornings because I typically don’t want to do anything after work.
  • schedule ARE test for mid-October
  • Take more initiative at work
    • I haven’t really figured out what this means yet, but it’s on the list, so I guess I gotta do it.

Personal Development

  • Meatless Wednesdays! Beau is on his way to becoming vegan because he wants to live a healthier lifestyle. I also want to be healthier. Beau and I hang out on Wednesdays (so we don’t go an entire 5 days without seeing each other every week), so this is the perfect excuse for me to make a change to my diet too! (Even if only for one day a week.)
  • Read the bible everyday, even if it’s only one chapter. I have the bible app on my phone, and I get a daily verse, but I think I need to really dive in and let the Word speak to me. I can’t force insight, but the chances of me learning something and becoming closer to God go up the more I seek that knowledge.
  • Read 1 non-fiction (preferably personal-development related) book
  • Work out 3 times a week for at least 45 minutes (dancing and acroyoga count if I can keep my heart rate up).

Financial

  • Save 30% of my income. *fantasizes about getting the keys to my own condo*
  • Learn about stocks.
  • Figure out ONE budgeting system that works for me. This will probably require more than just September, but that’s no reason not to really buckle down and start trying stuff right now.
  • Read 21 Days to a Better Budget, free from this website.
  • Learn about stocks!

I think that’s quite the list to tackle, but I’m up for it! The idea of becoming a better, more true-t0-myself me makes me so excited! And Beau motivates me, too, because he wants it for himself as well! It’s nice to have someone who shares the same headspace as me. (Is that a thing? It is now.)

Adulthood is hard, but I’m learning my way around. 🙂

What are your September Goals?

Adulting || My First Day

Today was my first day working for my first post-graduate job. After discussing with my mother, I have determined that my first day experience clocks in at a 9/10.

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Things I did today at work:

  • Went on a field visit and measured stuff
  • Worked on the plans for that project
  • Started some construction document sheets
  • Visited the town’s city hall to drop off permit corrections
  • Sketched some townhouse units for some guy in Texas
  • Rode in a car with my boss twice

Mistakes I made (oops!):

  • Misread a tape measure (out loud to my boss)
  • Forgot to dimension a drawing (that I sent to my boss)

Things I feel good about:

  • The people in my office are nice, if a bit quiet
  • My boss’ dog loves me
  • My boss seems to like me
  • I get to sort of design a hair salon
  • I didn’t make any huge or embarrassing errors!

See? Overall a pretty great day. I did find myself missing my old firm. It was bigger, brighter, and in downtown, but really I think it’s the familiarity I miss the most. I’m trying hard to remind myself that this place has just as much, if not more, to offer me. There are only six people at my current firm, which means there are many opportunities to learn and gain experience I wouldn’t otherwise get. Change helps us grow. (It also helps knowing I won’t be here for more than, like, 3 years if I stick to my 5 year plan.)

I still feel a little weird. Probably some combination of nerves and fear, but I’m sure it will go away by the end of the week. I just need to establish a routine, some flow for my life. I know I sound a little mellow, but I’m excited!

And I’m glad I’m not dealing with depression on top of all this stuff.

I’m glad my life is going well.

Toodles!

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Book Review || You Are a Badass

In my new-found adulthood I have decided to continue reading self-help books. I want to be the best me I can be, and I am self-aware enough to know that I will need a little help along the way.

I just finished this book:

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And it’s awesome!

Jen Sincero is a success coach, and she has wonderful advice for anyone who wants to start living their life on purpose. Her writing is funny, informative, understandable, and generally pleasant to read. Her advice is good whether you’re trying to make more money, lose weight, start a new business, or figure out how to travel the world.

The book is broken up into five parts, starting with “How you got this way” and ending with “How to kick some ass.” I want to fill you in on everything I’ve learned from this book, but literally each chapter is full of golden nuggets. Instead, I’m going to encourage you to buy it and give you some of my most favorite lessons (a list!).

Your subconscious is a lot stronger than you think.

Most people live life listening to and being guided by their conscious minds. This is the part of you that makes decisions and processes information. The subconscious part, according to Sincero, believes everything, and is led by instincts and feelings. We store a lot more in our subconscious than we know, and those things we store can seriously effect us. For example, if your subconscious believes money is evil (maybe because as a child you saw that money was the cause of all your family’s arguments), no matter how much you say you want it, you will self-sabotage so you don’t get it. Sincero teaches us,

“[W]hen our subconscious beliefs are out of alignment with the things and experiences we want in our conscious minds (and hearts), it creates confusing conflicts between what we’re trying to create and what we’re actually creating [italics mine].”

It’s so easy once you figure out it isn’t hard (Chapter 17).

This chapter reminded me a bit of Wolf of Wall Street–that whole quote about the stories we tell ourselves stopping us from reaching our full potential. Sincero simplifies it to:

“What you choose to focus on becomes your reality [italics mine].”

There are so many people harboring negative stories about themselves. These beliefs are easily identifiable because they start with phrases like “I always/never…” “I suck at…” “I wish…” “I’m trying to…” (as opposed to actually doing). Once you figure out what your stories are, you have to identify what it is you think you’re gaining from them. Is saying you never have time for the gym allowing you to feel comfortable watching TV on your couch for three hours a day? Is saying you can’t make money letting you play the broke victim? Get rid of your stories!  Or better yet, rewrite them.

Sincero’s list for accomplishing this:

  1. List off your old stories that you’ve gotten into the habit of thinking and saying.
  2. Journal about the false rewards you get from them.
  3. Feel into these false rewards, thank them for their help, and decide to let them go.
  4. Take each false reward and write a new, powerful story to replace it with.
  5. Repeat this new story, or affirmation, over and over and over until it becomes your truth.
  6. Behold your awesome new life.

“The people you surround yourself with are excellent mirrors for who you are and how much, or how little, you love yourself.”

This resonated with me so much. I used to say the phrase “I hate people” every single day. Obviously it’s everyone else with the problem, right? *rolls eyes* Sincero points out that whenever we are bothered or annoyed with another person, it is because we see something of ourselves in them. For example, in church yesterday there was this woman behind me who was super into everything. She was praying loudly with the priest, singing at the top of her lungs, and generally grating on my nerves. I was trying not to be a jerk about it (because I was in church and I had just read this part of the book), so I took a step back.

“Start noticing the things that drive you nuts about other people, and, instead of complaining or judging or getting defensive about them, use them as a mirror [italics mine].”

Ask yourself if you also do that annoying thing, or if it reminds you of something you try very hard not to do. Figure it out and shut it down; figure out how and who you need to be in order for this thing not to bother you. For me, I realized I was getting annoyed because I really want to strengthen my faith and my relationship with God, and her enthusiasm was just reminding me how weak I still am in that department. After that, I tried to appreciate her way of praising, and even hoped I could reach her level someday. BAM, feeling of annoyance gone, happier me.

I could go on and on about this book, but I really think you should just get it and read it for yourself. Especially if you are in a place in your life right now where your self-awareness might be lacking. In my opinion, self-aware people are some of the best.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

❤ Severn

Saved by the Future

My current mood is a (healthy?) mix of relaxed, determined, and… giddy? with an underlying level of stress. Is that possible?

I’ve been binge watching Saved By the Bell while I do my studio work, and let me tell you: I forgot how good this show was!

It’s funny, a lot of episodes have actual lessons, and damn Zack Morris was gorgeous! I’m totally living vicariously through this show right now. So many couples, so much friendship, and did I mention Zack Morris was hot?

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Yes, I’m one of those millennials slightly obsessed with the 90’s, but what can I say? It was a solid decade in my personal opinion. Despite being the starting point of many of my issues, my childhood was overall pretty great! My parents loved me, I had the best cartoons, cool clothes, a Skip It, and I didn’t grow up with a cell phone glued to my hand.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the past–not just like “yo the 90’s were poppin’!” but also reliving various moments of my life. My first crush, fights my parents used to have, watching Saturday morning cartoons while my grandma made me pancakes. Then when I was a bit older: applying to high school; having a crush on one of the cute, popular, rich kids in my class and not only being rejected, but made fun of; the entirety of the Tiger Saga; applying to college; Shoelaces (my last boyfriend). It’s not always pleasant to think about the past, especially when Depression Brain wants to highlight nothing but the bad.

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When I can’t stop reliving the past.

How do I combat this? Well, I’m glad you asked! A lot of advice tells you to focus on the present. Practice mindfulness, and let it ground you in the here and now. That’s not always helpful for me, though; my brain is a little too unruly to successfully accomplish such a task. And to be honest, most of the time I’m unhappy with my present situation, and no amount of concentrating on my fingers as they type is going to change that.

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Instead, I plan for my future! I know the future is a huge cause of anxiety for many people, but it mostly just excites me. I can’t wait to have my own apartment to decorate, a dog to take care of, 128 hours a week to spend doing absolutely whatever I want. I have plans to get heavy into fitness, learn calligraphy so one day I can make my own wedding invitations, continue dancing at the Millennium in Chicago. I want to finally tackle the Rory Gilmore Reading List (of which I have ready 40 books so far), and finally become fluent in Spanish. School is important, and I obviously needed it to learn how to be an architect, but it is all consuming, and I can’t wait to be done with it.

Adults love to say, “College is great! Stay as long as you can!” but why? I have a crap ton of debt from student loans, I have pulled so many all nighters that I’m pretty sure my brain/short term memory has been permanently affected, and there is little to no recognition from any of my professors of my good work. No, I want the real world. A world where my boss will praise me for doing well, and tell me if I’m not. A world where questions get answered, and sleep is not a bonus, but a given. A world where I can actually date someone, not just hook up with them periodically and convince myself that it’s a socially/emotionally/physically satisfying experience. (Confession: it rarely is.)

No, I’m ready for the next chapter of my life. The 90’s were great, the 00’s were a little strange, and the teens have been… well full of college, which has its ups and downs. But the rest of the teens–the rest of my life. That’s what I’m ready for.

I may be living vicariously through a show that went off-air the year I was born, but in 17 days, my real life begins. And I couldn’t be more ready.

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Small Victories

When I woke up this morning, I didn’t lay there for an hour contemplating how important it was for me to do stuff today. I got up, got dressed, went for a run, came back, showered, and now I’m at Starbucks being productive as fuck. And it feels great! I’ve been in a depressive slump for the past week, so it feels good to be able to do things again.

I realized that part of what’s bothering me/contributing to my loneliness is the fact that my roommate, Corey, has a girl. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that they are now a thing because it’s been a long time coming. I just didn’t think it would make me feel so… well, alone!

Anyway, regardless of the lonely thoughts still swimming in my brain, I was able to leave my apartment with a sense of purpose. I’m praying this new found purpose remains with me for the next 21 days because that’s how long till I’m back home and fully adulting, betchessss.

Excuse me, I got a little excited there. Back to work!

Severn