Dapper

Alright y’all, here’s what happened with Dapper:

I fell for Beau.

Things were fine and dandy with Dapper, I was going to visit him in Pittsburgh, even, but Beau and I had that night, and we talked for hours, and we kissed. And I was still going to see Dapper–I mean I told Beau about the trip (he already knew about Dapper because we were friends and I told him everything), but I was so stressed about it!

If I went to Pittsburgh, things were sure to happen, and when would I tell Dapper that whatever we had was over? That I met someone I actually see a future with? I didn’t want to wait two whole weeks to officially start dating Beau, and I knew the weekend would’ve been tainted with my guilt. So I asked Dapper to call me when he got a chance, and told him that I met someone, and I didn’t think it was a good idea to go visit anymore.

And of course, like any other time I’ve freaked out and finally told Dapper anything serious or nerve-wracking (for me), he said, “Okay. Thanks for letting me know. I’m glad you’re doing adult woman things like dating and living.”

Like it wasn’t a big deal.

Like it was okay to put myself and my feelings first.

Like talking to someone I care about–who cares about me– about my feelings isn’t a big deal.

And that was the last thing–the last time–Dapper taught me. I do still feel like he was practice, like he was an important step I had to take before removing my relationship training wheels.

And it really has helped! Boy do I still hate confrontation of any kind, but I’m okay expressing my feelings (good, bad, or in-between) to Beau because I have more faith in the fact that my feelings and thoughts are valid. And that if I need to talk about something, Beau will listen and be accepting.

He is those things: a good listener, patient, accepting. And he cares about me. Deeply, as I do about him. It’s insane to me that we’ve only been dating for a month. Feels more like a year.

Anyway, so that’s what happened with Dapper. We cared about each other, he taught me things, we ended. We still talk occasionally, but just as friends, just to catch up.

Beau has my heart now. Dapper is another finished chapter in the saga of Severn. A good one, but through.

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P.S. The bowtie in the featured image is from this website. They’re so cool!

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