There were so many tears. I’ve been struggling with making a decision that could put a lot of strain on a relationship I’m trying to repair. I feel torn. It seems that no matter what I decide to do, someone ends up getting hurt, and I don’t want to be the cause of that.
This specific bout of indecisiveness is the result of various factors. When I was younger, I often acted as the mediator between adults who should have had my best interests at heart, but didn’t really understand how I was being effected. Now, as an adult, I still can’t function as more than a mediator. Once again, my own feelings and my own needs are taking a back seat as I try to make sure everyone else is pleased.
Bristle told me that she wants me to try and find a solution that doesn’t force me to sacrifice anything. Honestly, making any decision makes me anxious. It feels permanent, and like whatever consequences follow will be permanent, too.
I’m trying, though. I’m trying to really listen to my heart and figure out what it is that I want, what would make me most comfortable, and what I can emotionally handle. Hopefully, I can figure it out soon. And once that decision is made, I hope I have to courage to explain it to the people it directly relates to.
Wish me luck.