This morning, I woke up and went for a run. When I got back home, I made myself some quinoa and scrambled eggs, and worked abs while they cooked. After breakfast and doing the dishes, I went to my room, turned on some music, and just danced.
I can’t remember the last time I happily danced around my room. It’s such a small thing, but when I think about it, it’s something I stopped doing a few years ago.
Non-clinical depression is very different from clinical depression. I’m definitely no expert, but I have a basic understanding that NC depression is a result of painful life circumstances and some health issues, and clinical depression has to do with chemical imbalances in a person’s brain. I read that if the stressors causing NC depression go unaddressed for too long, imbalances can develop.
I started going to therapy last September, and it’s pretty much the best mental health decision I’ve ever made. I’ve learned so much about myself and my relationships with–well my relationships with most things in my life! Last week I was able to finally address (outside of therapy) the biggest thing that was contributing to my depression. That thing is by no means fixed, but I’m working on it! That fact alone makes me less susceptible to the thoughts that plagued me before.
Most days I would walk around either angry, sad, or numb. Feelings of inadequacy, isolation, and self-doubt swirled around in my head no matter what I was doing.
What’s worse is I had zero energy to fight those feelings. There were days I just laid in bed for hours, not even interacting with my roommate. It was really hard to focus on my schoolwork, and neither dancing, nor reading (activities I have thoroughly enjoyed my entire life) could make me feel better.
Now, after finally confronting the strife in my life (teehee that rhymed), I can find joy in the small things again. I still get angry and sad, but not obsessively so. I’m still able to go about my day and get things done. When I do procrastinate, it is no longer the result of an inability to do, but just regular senioritis kicking in.
I’m glad. I finally feel like I’m sustainably getting better. No, everything in my life is not perfect, but it’s a combination of the small things that make each day worth it. So now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get back to dancing around my room while I clean it.